My 17th birthday is
a delightful day. In the morning, I get up as usual. However it was unusual
day, because I got a lot of birthday mail from my parents and my friends. I was
very surprised. After that, I went to school. A lot of my friend said to me ‘Happy
Birthday’, and gave me a lot of present. For example, birthday card,
confectionery, some article and so on. In particular, the thing delighted me the
best that some of my friends sang me a birthday song. It made me very
delightful. In addition, my friend wrote ‘Happy Birthday Mayu’ in the blackboard
in my class all day long. When I came home, living room was decorated from my
mother. There were some flowers, balloons, and ornaments that were so cute. In
the evening, my mother cooked my favorite dinner. For example, cream spaghetti,
pizza, macaroni salad and cupcake. It was very delicious. After that, we ate
two cakes, because I and my sister’s birthday are same. We ate tart cake and
chocolate cake. The cake made by my underclassman’s father. He operates his own
cake shop, so we ask for making cakes every year. These cakes were decorated. Tart
cake had my name plate, and massage for me. Chocolate cake had a portrait plate
which is the singer my sister likes. It was very interesting and unique. Few
days later, I got some clothes as a present from my parents. This clothes which
I wanted before. My grandfather and grandmother gave me some money for I could
buy something I want. My 17th birthday was very special and
delightful day. I’m grateful for everyone who celebrated me.
Your repeated writing the same words (especially "Chinese noodle" and "fried rice") many more times than you needed to. Unnecessary repetition = -1
ReplyDeleteJournal C = 240 words = 6-1 = 5 APs
You wrote about the same day as you wrote about in paragraph 3. I told everyone in class NOT to do that. = -3
Journal D = 280+ words = 7-3 = 4 APs
Mr. W.